the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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