I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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