he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
