I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
