official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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