If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I am naked and annoyed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
