But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
