thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize