i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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