I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just invented taco cereal.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize