You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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