I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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