id be glad to
so let's talk penis.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
