yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
