I just made out with a guy for $7.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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