I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
