Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We're using joints as your birthday candles
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
