At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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