Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
