Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
