You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
