she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
