I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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