My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
