I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
