So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
