he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
