and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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