I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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