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• (305): View more from Florida

  If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.

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• (925): View more from California

  I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!

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