I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
