I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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