bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
