And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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