Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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