Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
