A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
try to milk me bitch
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