just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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