THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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