I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There's always time for handjobs
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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