Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
