you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
