Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
