and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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