This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
