'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm bleeding and have questions
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
