i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
