how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
