His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
