so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
