Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize