Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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