from now on my penis is your penis
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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