Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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