she smelled like a LAN party
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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