positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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