is your mom at the bar?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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