if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
should my penis look like a turkey
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just gargled with NyQuil
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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