I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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