I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
