like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
