U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
