You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
