idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
