sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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