all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
