in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
