I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
