The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
