my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
