I just saw a hot homeless man
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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