now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
