Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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