I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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