She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
